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The podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.

I saw this when I come.

And be one of us.

Hello, and welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill, Sexy 172.

We are your love gurus.

I'm your sexy host, Gav.

I'm your love guru, Dan.

Virtually sitting here with Guru Dan.

For this episode, we are called The Love Cast On Humping Hill.

And we're just gonna talk about all your love problems.

Because this is our Valentine's episode.

It's sexy.

It's drippin with sex.

That's a big kiss there, if you will.

Oh, there's a puddle of sex dripped from the ceiling.

We'll try and keep up the sex appeal throughout the whole episode.

But, you know...

And we don't really do that.

I have to try.

It's just flowing.

But Gav, also, this is a good time for you to tell our listeners who are regulars.

If you're regular...

Oh, welcome back.

If you're new to the show...

Oh, welcome front.

And if you just pop along now and again...

Oh, side to side.

There you go, guys.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I appreciate this.

Or it probably already passed Valentine's, if you're listening to this.

But...

Turn into some sort of Alan Partridge podcast there.

We do try and occasionally put out a Valentine's special.

It's difficult to come up with horror films that are love themes.

But we have done it about half a dozen times over the years.

I don't know.

There's actually a load.

But this one, in particular, I said for this show, which I mentioned years ago to do, it just seemed like a good Valentine's one.

Yes.

So on that point, then, we are going to be covering for our Valentine's episode.

We're going to be getting sexy.

We're going to be getting loved up.

We're going to be looking at an Australian film I'd never seen before from 2009 called The Loved Ones.

I reckon I saw it at a Fright Fest, so I probably saw it 2009.

A long time ago now.

And that is directed by the same guy, The Devil's Candy, who I'm a big fan of.

I was a fan of that.

And we're pairing that up with, when it comes to sexy films, if you want to cross species, not species, I've just given it away.

If you want to cross, I was going to say, if you want to cross between basic instinct, alien and the Terminator, that look no further than the horny alien species.

That's quite a good pairing.

And it's slap bang from 1995.

It's slap bang in the middle of the 90s, when all the sexy bob haired blondes, like Michelle Pfeiffer and Kim Basinger and Sharon Stone were going around doing their thing.

And yeah, sexy Natasha Henstrich, going to bite your head off after she's bonked you.

Yeah, and I know it's The Loved Ones, it's very Hostel-like, but if Hostel was a romantic movie.

Yeah, or Texas Chainsaw.

It's Texas Chainsaw, a mix of Hostel, mixed with some romance movie, to take a peek.

With drills.

Drills.

In the brain.

Oh, so that's what we're covering for this episode, you sexy listeners.

Sexy drilling in the brain.

Stick it in.

Pop it in and then pour some hot water in.

So Gavin, been up to much?

What are you doing?

What's going on?

Watched anything?

Been a bit busy and broke, could do some more work, but can we always?

Do some more money, really, can we?

Yeah, I think everyone could.

Not a huge amount.

Working on Deadbolt film stuff.

Amanda is pretty much sort of there with it.

I've mentioned it before.

I'm quite proud of it.

It'll be released.

The trailer will probably be out in the next week or so.

And there's a fantastic poster as well.

The poster's good.

And then probably release the film the next couple of months, I imagine.

I'm really happy with it.

It's just one last part to be filmed by a demonologist part, which is, I pretty much say it now, because I'm sure he's doing it this week.

It's one of those things, you don't like to say stuff until you've actually got the video or you've got the money in the bank.

But I think Nicholas Vince will be, I know he is, Nicholas Vince's teeth chatterer from Hellraiser.

He's playing the demonologist for us.

He was also Moonface, or I can't remember his name, in Nightbreed?

There's other bits and bobs.

Anyway, he's doing that bit, so he's just filming that last part for me at the moment.

Soon as he gets that in, I can add that, and we are dropping that film.

We're dropping it like it's hot.

And I'm really proud of it, actually, but it's one of those things I've worked my ass off on it, and I should be working on stuff which actually makes me money, because this doesn't, I put it out on YouTube.

So I'm hoping all of you lovely listeners will watch it just to give us some numbers, some views, even if you put it on and walk out the room.

Just put it on a loop continuously for a week.

Get us some numbers for the YouTube.

It's all for the cause of the greater good.

Yeah, looking forward to the final version of that coming out, jumping in there.

That's kind of all I've been doing.

I haven't really watched much films.

Talking of numbers, we don't often do this, but I just wanted to say the last episode, the Peter Jackson special where we covered the frighteners and bad taste is proving to be one of our most successful episodes within probably the last year.

Lots and lots of listens and streams and YouTube views.

So you guys obviously love Peter Jackson.

I think it might be the frighteners that might have done it because I think you might get the odd person who's just called the frighteners.

Yeah, but I think the more generic horror fan will probably think, oh, I love the frighteners.

Yeah, but also the hardcore horror fan would be like, oh, bad taste.

There's probably not many podcasts that cover bad taste.

Either way, Peter Jackson has brought in some numbers for us.

So thank you, Sir Peter Jackson.

There's only one film for me to mention really, Gav, that I've watched.

And that is starring our friend, our lord, our savior, an official podcast mascot, Nicholas Cage.

Oh, right, Nicholas Cage.

And I watched Pig.

Yeah, I saw it actually when it first came out.

I don't know, it wasn't really for me.

It's because, I'll tell you why, this is why sometimes it's not good to watch trailers.

I remember the trailer in my head, the trailer made out, I feel like, I might be wrong, it made out kind of like a, not John Wick-y, but a slight revenge film, slightly.

Taken, but instead of his daughter, a pig.

And it was that, but without any sort of action.

Exactly, yeah, I was really underwhelmed by it.

You were underwhelmed by it?

Yeah, because that's what we were all thinking it was.

I gave it a solid, or a slap bang in the middle, five out of ten, unfortunately.

Yeah, I didn't really like it either.

I really feel that the trailer was, obviously got people to watch the film, but I really feel that I'd be...

But you may have gotten to watch it, but if you disappoint them with a movie which doesn't deliver what you thought it was going to deliver, then that's kind of a bit redundant.

What tripped me out is it looks fantastic.

It's shot really well.

And Nicolas Cage is incredible in it.

What a performance.

What's his truffle pig?

But there's not really an awful lot going on, really.

I love all the characters.

I love the small town vibe, like the Twin Peaks vibe going on in the town.

But nothing happens.

If you'd have just thrown in at least three scenes of something happening.

Yeah.

So I don't even remember any of it, really.

I can't recommend it.

But if you're a fan of Nicholas Cage, then, you know.

If you're a fan of Nicholas Cage, it's fucking hundreds, through the decades.

Pig was his number 100th role when he filmed that.

He's done a few films since.

I've heard some people like it, but, you know, it's one of those things, as you and I established earlier on this evening, not long ago, within 60 minutes, actually, of this recording, we established that I'm older now and I don't have much patience with films.

And you said yes, and you agreed with me.

And it's one of those things.

It's so funny how different everyone, being different, just takes in the same movie, but could look at it in a different way.

So interesting.

That's what's the beauty of art, that you can take it away with the way you are as a human being.

Now, talking of lots and lots of film roles, I always watch Nicholas Cage.

I watch pretty much anything he's in.

I can't say I've watched every single one of his films, probably a lot of them.

There is an actor that I've watched every single one of his films.

And I saw the trailer for the new Jackie Chan movie.

I'm just going to give this to you.

I think I sent it to you.

I don't know if you watched it.

Sorry, I forgot.

It's called Panda Plan.

The Panda Plan.

And it starts Jackie Chan as a panda.

Oh, no, he plays himself at a charity event.

He could be like the real life Kung Fu Panda.

Where a panda is because it's like a special panda.

I didn't really get it.

The pandas are pretty special anyway.

They're basically these bad guys are after this panda.

And as Jackie Chan, he has to protect this baby panda throughout the whole film.

And the panda keeps farting.

Is it like hard boiled?

It looks incredible in only a way that Jackie Chan's movie can.

What is he?

70?

He is 71 this year.

Oh, fucking hell, I guess well.

And he's still kicking ass and looking after pandas.

Yeah, it's interesting.

I'm coming up to 50 in two years time, which sounds absolutely bonkers because I feel like a fucking 15 year old.

Oh, no, I don't mean that.

Let's change the words there.

I feel like I'm still a 15 year old.

Thank you.

Anyway, it's weird because I started going to the gym and I've still got my strength and I'm doing that.

But you feel it.

You feel it when you're getting older.

You feel it when you sit down.

I do.

I remember that.

It's like, it's like late 20s.

When you first start to sit down and go, and you make a sound when you sit down.

I don't know why, it just happens.

And I feel like, you know, it does take a toll on you, life, everything.

But some of these action stars, some of these guys are still doing things.

Like Sly, Sly Stallone is still sort of doing a few punches and shit here and there.

Swatch, no, they're not so much, but I feel Stallone's probably more of that sort of person.

It's because they're conditioned.

They've been doing it their whole entire life, aren't they?

You know, their body, their body would probably, if they stopped.

Exactly.

It's like fucking Lenny from Motorhead, when the doctor said to him, nah, keep drinking, keep drinking that whiskey every day.

If you don't, you're probably going to fucking die.

Cause it's, your body gets used to it.

So yeah, funny.

It is funny, but I just wanted to quickly mention that.

So what I'm saying, Dan, come around and beat me up, and I'll beat you up and we'll just keep doing that and we'll be fine.

Beat each other off.

Cause it's our Valentine's special.

Oh, beat me up, beat me off.

Okay, we'll do that, it's our Valentine's special, so why not?

Last thing to mention then, before we have a trailer for our first film, because we haven't got a lot to say, because we're just too full of love, is Gav, you wanted to bring up, talking of love, there is only one spy who's loved us all.

He's got around the world, he's got a lot, we'll be covering him a few episodes ago.

He loves Bond girls and that is James Bond.

Tell us about what's going on with James Bond.

Well, it's interesting that we actually covered Bond.

We never had just a couple of months ago, no, last month, a couple of episodes ago.

And we were like, quintessential Bond, probably check this out.

It's pretty much definitive almost.

It's got all the cliches, however, if you expect the blueprint of Bond, it really is.

And it's funny that we did that.

And it's really funny that Daniel Craig's one, spoiler, if you're not seeing the time to die, he dies.

I haven't seen it.

Haven't you?

No, it's the only one I haven't seen, but I heard that he died.

He kind of can't not know that because it's such a pivotal character, which that never happened.

My mum told me, I think it was.

I was like, thanks mum.

But your mum also told you the actor that played the pink panther died.

Do you mean the actor that played the black panther, Chadwick Boseman?

She went, oh yeah, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

I was like, Peter Sellers, he died years ago.

Oh yeah.

He did, eighties I think it was.

I love your one though, for that.

Well, you see where I get it from, don't you?

Yeah, yeah.

And it's really interesting that they kind of finished that series off in a kind of neat bundle.

We had like the 50th year of Bond, and then they had two more bonds since then.

I've got a really lovely 50th Bond box set.

You've seen that Blu-ray box set of books, and that's really nice.

Then I had to buy the last two movies separately because it didn't come with it.

But it's almost a neat package.

And recently, this is insane, Amazon have paid a billion pound for the Bond franchise.

That's obviously, that's creative control and everything.

That's insane.

And the shame of it is, because the Broccoli family, which it was always the Cubby, then it went on to his daughter Barbara.

And it was always whatever Cubby said when, if Cubby didn't like something, or didn't want it, it didn't happen.

Do you know what I mean?

And in a way, it's one person's taking on Ian Fleming's character from the books, defining what is and what isn't.

It's one person.

It's not a collection.

It's not a meeting room full of people.

Do you know what I mean?

And now it's going to be a group full of prime producers.

And now it's going to be a different thing.