H!TITDS - Scary Movie (1989)

Yeah, up yours.

Up yours.

Up yours.

Up yours.

Everything is ready, my darling.

Hello and welcome to Hello This Is The Doom Show.

I am Richard.

Folks, I'm not important.

What's important is Dan.

Dan is here.

Hello.

It's me, Dan.

Welcome back, dude.

We haven't talked since we were both deranged.

Yeah, on here anyway.

You were a guest on our show.

Yeah, I was a guest on Corrupted Youth.

And it was frickin amazing.

Yeah, we talked Seventh Curse.

Oh, God, man, folks, go watch the Seventh Curse.

Go listen to Corrupted Youth.

It is a fine show.

But yeah, we did deranged like, like over 100 episodes ago.

It was forever.

And it was great.

That was back when your internet made you sound like you were on Neptune.

I was so relieved you could record your side of the audio.

And so when I got it, I was so shocked by how like, deep and rich and beautiful your voice is.

Because I was like, all I could hear was like walkie talkie, Dan, it was awesome.

Well, I'm glad that worked out because, oh man, I thought it wasn't going to work out because I drank all those scotch ales during the recording.

Oh my God.

Well, that's how anyone deals with me.

You know, need a need a little stiffer there, a little stiffener.

I don't I don't really do that anymore.

It's making it a lot better to edit.

I bet it is.

Yeah, I've drank on this show, maybe five times, maybe five times, but yeah, I just don't even bother anymore.

It's like, no, I need all the I need all the control I can get because otherwise I end up in a Bloody Movie, which is what we're talking about.

Oh, yeah.

We're talking about Terror Night, AKA Bloody Movie.

This was Dan's choice.

And boy, oh, boy, you have made a life choice.

This isn't this is a commitment.

I can't go back now.

Bloody Movie is directed by Nick Moreno, who was a producer on something very important, a little movie called Zombie Death House.

I want to rewatch, but I think Bloody Movie is better, to be honest.

He also produced Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, which has been avoiding me for many years.

I need to see that.

This was written by Kenneth J.

Hall, who was a special effects guy.

But he wrote, he was a writer on Nightmare Sisters and Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout.

And he contributed part of the story to Puppet Master.

So yeah, of course, he was one of the effects guys on Puppet Master.

And then for some reason, this had three other writers.

Dan, this took four writers.

Can you believe it?

No, I can't.

I mean, I mean, I mean, there's moments where I could see these overlapping personalities trying to get something across and failing.

well, I think it has four different ideas that are simultaneously going at the.

Here's a trailer for Terror Night AKA Bloody Movie.

It's quite wonderful.

And it sounds like this.

Is this the first time you took part in the satanic ritual?

What are you talking about?

Of course.

Neither of you knew that the grounds of the Hayward Estate is being used for satanic rituals.

No, we didn't.

John Ireland, Cameron Mitchell, Alan Hale, I said, who's out there?

Aldo Ray, Daniel Haggerty, and Sam the Wonder Dog.

In the terror of the night, some came to steal.

Some came to worship.

Wonderful.

Yes, I'm great.

And because the internet is a kind, kind person, especially whoever used to run vhscollector.com, there is a glorious fricking tape here, which I will send to Dan, so he can take a look at it if he so chooses.

It's wonderful.

And it says on the front, it says, Lance Hayward's acting career may be over, but he's still knocking them dead.

On the back, it says, in Hollywood, real estate isn't cheap.

It will cost you an arm and a leg.

Lance Hayward, famous movie star of yesteryear, hasn't been seen or heard for over 15 years.

And now his dilapidated mansion is handed over to a property developer.

But there's more than a simple surprise in store for anyone who ventures onto his estate.

Lance is back and ready to live out the murderous screen roles he once portrayed.

Welcome to Terror Night.

Fantastic.

81 minutes before we jump into this plot.

And when I warn you folks, this is spoiler country.

I say this a lot.

Yeah, this is a movie where we could spoil every single thing that happens, but you have to see it.

You have to see this shit to believe it.

It's not like a giallo or something we're going to reveal the killer.

This shit's just crazy.

Do you have the I have it on DVD?

Yes, I have the very same DVD.

I think you have.

Yes.

Retro media man.

The sleaziness of this DVD from the front of where it says from the producer of Dude, Where's My Car?

Yes, I kept reading that and I read that so many times that it went over my head.

I didn't write down even which producer produced Dude, Where's My Car?

That's incredible.

I have no idea.

We'll have to do a cast and crew comparison to find that.

I did figure out which one it was.

Oh, good.

OK.

This Nancy Paloan.

Yeah, that's how I would pronounce it, too, because she produced Zombie Death House as well.

And another choice film that Simon and I want to cover.

One of these days called Girlfriend from Hell, which is a magical little movie.

But yeah, dude, that's so funny.

I liked Dude, Where's My Car when it came out.

I remember laughing at the scene where they both got tattoos on the backs on their backs and they were telling each other what the tattoo was.

And they kept yelling louder and louder at each other.

It was very funny.

Dude, what does mine say?

What about mine?

Dude, what does mine say?

Not my jam.

I've never seen it.

It's it's real dumb.

I mean, as you probably imagine, it's really stupid.

Yeah.

So also on the on the back of this DVD where it says, See these faded stars die a horrible death.

Yeah, that's trashy.

That's very trashy.

Thank you for catching that.

And also, technically, Alan Hale doesn't actually die on camera, if I recall correctly.

Neither does one other actor.

Was it Aldo Rey?

Maybe.

Folks, that's the other thing about this movie is we I don't know about you, but I watched this last night.

And even with two pages and notes, I barely remember.

And so much.

This movie is so much.

I watched it last night and today.

Holy shit.

So you're you're like, what happened to my brain?

I think I know less than you do.

We'll guide each other through this.

I totally you know, we have a system on the show now where we do 10 key scenes to keep the plot stuff down to a minimum.

And I swear, if we went scene by scene, this would be a two parter or three hour episode.

This is this movie.

It's just so much and nothing is happening.

It's wonderful.

But we'll get to that when we get to that cast.

We'll go with the IMDb order of the cast here.

I won't go through everybody.

Thankfully, a few people in this movie didn't do anything else.

I was very happy for that.

So we got John Ireland.

He's one of those old school dudes, over 200 frickin film credits.

He was, you know, old school Hollywood.

I just went ahead and picked my one thing I've seen with him, which was Lucio Fulci's one on top of the other.

So there you go, I brought it back to Giallo for you guys.

He's going to be our villain, Lance Hayward, although he's played by two other actors.

So this this Lance Hayward is like three different people.

And four, when you count who plays him in the flashbacks to the movies from his career.

And so we'll get to that when we get to that.

I'll say this about it, too.

You'll never notice.

Seamless.

It's movie magic.

Oh, we're so impressed.

Cameron Mitchell, sweaty Cameron Mitchell.

I am so every time he is in a movie, he's a gift.

I love, you know, unpacking a sweaty cam.

He plays Detective Sanders, who I forgot was supposed to be in this.

Oh, yeah, that was a selling point for me.

It's like if he if he hasn't seen this movie yet, he's got to see it.

And then five minutes in, I forgot all about him, dude.

And then there he was, there he was making one of his most classic appearances ever.

But we'll get to that when we get to that.

Alan Hale Jr.

He played the skipper on freaking Gilligan's Island.

For those of you who are in their nineties, we'll remember that show.

232 credits for him.

Oh, my God.

He plays Jake Nelson, the security guard.

I can't believe he has a first and last name and not just security guard.

So cute.

Next up is Aldo Ray, who has 114 credits for our purposes here.

He was in Don't Go Near the Park and Biohazard.

He plays Captain Ned, a drunken vagrant guy who lives outside of this house.

Yeah, I kept I kept forgetting it was a mansion.

I kept thinking it was a movie studio because this this set is so confusing and they never they never show people going inside the mansion.

They only show people going in through a, quote unquote, window.

There's never an establishing shot of the mansion.

No, like just show us a picture of a mansion.

There's with the amount of stock footage in this movie.

You think they could have found even just two seconds worth of just stock footage of a mansion.

No, yeah.

So we also have Dan Haggerty, who was Grizzly Adams.

He has he plays a character who shows up, complains about shit and gets murdered named Ted Michaels.

But bad movie fans, excuse me, misunderstood classics fans will recognize him from Elves.

Oh, yeah.

Which I am still shocked for a little while there.

You could get the record of the soundtrack.

And yet everybody either has the old tape or they have the same VHS rip of the old tape that everybody else has with the tracking problems.

I would love for Elves to get justice finally.

We got a Friday the 13th alumnus here with Stacey Greeson, which I think is a hilarious last name.

It is.

It's beautiful.

She plays Kathy.

And folks, I'm going to apologize now.

I am going to struggle with the the teen quote unquote teen characters.

I believe they're supposed to be college aged characters.

But yes, Kathy is she ends up being our final girl, much to our surprise.

We've got William Butler, who plays Chip, our computer nerd.

And man, I can't believe how much shit I've seen this guy in.

Spellcaster.

He was also a Friday the 13th new blood.

So he's another F13 alumnus.

He was in the Night of the Living Dead remake.

And he was in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 Leatherface.

For friend of the show, Katie of the Night, he is the director of Baby Oopsie, which is a infamous killer doll movie that's on Tubi, which you guys should check out.

I want to see that.

After looking up his credits, I was like, what is this Baby Oopsie?

I've still never seen it, much to my shame.

And I recommend it just because Katie, it is her comfort movie, if I recall correctly.

So she's seen it probably over five or six times, maybe more.

She talks about it all the time.

I want to say she bought one of them, one of the Baby Oopsies, or she made it.

But yeah, she loves Baby Oopsies.

So I'm very excited to finally get to Baby Oopsie.

Did you see any of his other credits on there for like all the movies he's directed?

Yeah, it got crazy.

He really, really leaned into the freaking, is it all?

Most of it horror, right?

Yeah, and there's a he's got like three reanimator knockoffs.

Re re re resonator.

There it is.

Because it's just like the first one just rips off from beyond shit, which I mean, I guess HP Lovecraft, like all that's public domain.

But right, man, the similarities are ridiculous.

Oh, man.

But yeah, what a career.

And he did direct Baby Oopsy 2 as well.

Some Disney credits on there, too.

Wow.

Anyway, Michelle Bauer, a wonderful scream queen here.

She was in one of my all time favorites, Sorority Babes and the Slimeball Bolorama.

She was also in Demon Warp, among many other great things.

We're going to get to see all of Michelle Bauer in this one.

She plays Joe, the the rocker chick, I believe.

Yes.

OK, thank you.

Because again, folks, I know who Michelle Bauer is.

But as soon as this movie was over, I'm like, where the hell did she do in this movie other than get naked?

We get to see Michelle's Bauer.

That's how that's how naked she gets.

We got Timothy Elwell, who plays Angel, her boyfriend, the rocker guy.

I didn't recognize him from other things, but got to mention him because he's a key figure in this movie.

But next, we got Carla B AKA Carla Baron.

I did not realize how many films I'd seen this lady in.

I recognized her immediately from Hacko Lantern, which a masterpiece.

She was also in Sorority Babes and the Slime Bowl, Bolarama.

H!TITDS - Scary Movie (1989)
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